


One Hundred

by solnishka



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Birthday, First Kiss, Fluff, I did in fact write this instead of sleeping, Love Confessions, every time you leave kudos bucky barnes gets a hug, i guess this is also a 5+1 so, ish, when will someone let these two kiss in canon I mean holy FUCK dudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 15:24:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10221314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solnishka/pseuds/solnishka
Summary: Bucky keeps *almost* telling Steve he loves him. One day he actually does it. Absolute legend 8/8





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! Feedback is much appreciated. 
> 
> This was inspired by this post: http://relenafanel.tumblr.com/post/158250284733/bucky-barnes-at-20-i-can-never-tell-steve-i-love

**I.**

The first time Bucky came dangerously close to telling Steve he loved him, they were sitting at the kitchen table. Golden light was filtering in through the window, and it caught Steve’s eyes just right. Bucky found himself extremely and undeniably lost in them, and it really hit him then, how much he wished he could tell him everything on his mind.

It would’ve gone something like this:

 _Stevie, you’re my home. You’re my home and I’m gone on you. I don’t think it’s wrong. How could loving someone as good as_ you _be ever wrong? Please don’t leave._

But those days you couldn’t just say shit like that. Not outright, anyway. He’d said it before. _I’m with you till the end of the line._ If that’s not love, what the hell else could it be?

But Steve could never know. Bucky accepted that. Steve would meet a nice girl and maybe Bucky would too and they’d live their lives adjacent.

Adjacent was hard to live with. Especially when Steve was such a beautiful, kind bastard.

 _I couldn’t tell him, not even if we lived to be one hundred,_ Bucky thought.

**II.**

The second time Bucky came close was the night before he shipped off. He was nervous. No, not nervous. Terrified. He thought about how it could be the last time he would ever see Steve Rogers face-to-face and how he didn’t want to leave his best friend alone in a world full of bullies and sickness. He wanted to stand next to Steve, wanted to fight against those evils together as long as his heart was still beating. But there were other fights to fight. Bigger ones. Steve would be fine without him. But Bucky still wanted Steve to know how Steve was it for him. No matter how many girls he kissed, no matter how many guys he sucked off behind closed doors, it was always going to be Steve.

_No, he might hate me. Couldn’t die with him hating me. Couldn’t tell him if we lived to be one hundred._

And so he kept his silence.

**III.**

The third time was the day Steve saved him from the Hydra base. Bucky had dreamed the scenario up time and time again and it took far too long for him to come to the realization that Steve was really there, really with him. He was safe. Steve was with him. The relief he felt was  purifying. And then he felt that familiar ache in his chest, and all his thoughts about Steve threatened to turn into real words that would bring about the end of their friendship. God, did it hurt.

_Not even if we live to be one hundred._

**IV.**

Then there was the bar and Peggy. Peggy with her red dress and her pretty eyes and her strength. Steve and the way he looked at her. He told himself to get over it, because this was always how it had to be. But that was goddamn near impossible because he’d just been through hell and all he wanted was Steve to hold his hand while he got through that, and he wanted so much to say, _I love you, I need you._

He shrugged it off best he could. Even made a joke about the whole thing. “I’m invisible. I’m turning into you.”

He wondered if they’d make it to one hundred. Hell, if they did, maybe it’d be a sign that he should say something. He laughed to himself and went back to his drink.

**V.**

Steve’s was the last face Bucky saw before he fell, quite literally, into the hands of Hydra. As he stole a final look at the man he’d loved as long as he knew how, Bucky had a final, terrified thought:

_I loved you and I’m sorry you never knew it. Be safe, ‘cause one hundred ain’t coming._

**I.**

Bucky’s been out of cryo for a month now, and things are a little better. It’s his birthday today, and Steve’s not with him. It doesn’t matter, not really. Steve’s busy saving innocents and delivering justice halfway across the globe. Bucky knows his birthday isn’t top priority. Hell if he doesn’t miss him, though.   

It’s alright. There are things to do here. He picked up _The Iliad_ an hour ago. It’s a little boring, he thinks, but still good.

He's halfway through when he hears a voice say, “Hey, Buck." Steve’s voice.

Bucky looks up from the book and smiles. “Aren’t you supposed to be kickin’ ass or something? You playin’ hooky here, Steve?”

“I had someplace to be.”

“Damn irresponsible bastard.”

Steve laughs and sits beside him on the couch. “I’ve got my priorities. Happy birthday.”

So, yeah, Bucky’s one hundred. He remembers what he’d say to himself back before all this. He wouldn't tell Steve he loved him, not even if they lived to be one hundred. But here they are. Even for all they’ve been through, both of them are alive and breathing. He takes a breath. Hell with it.

“Hey, I got something I gotta say to you.”

“Sure,” Steve says.

He hesitates.“I, uh...”

“Whatever it is," Steve says, "you can say it.”

Bucky’s hands shake as he forces himself to speak. “I love you. Always have. ‘M sorry.”

Steve says, “Oh,” and stares at Bucky.

“It’s alright, Steve. Didn’t expect anything. I just really had to tell you. Don’t wanna keep secrets so much anymore.”

“Buck-”

“It’s alright.”

“No, Bucky, listen-”

“I swear to god, it’s nothin’. It doesn’t matter.”

Steve ghosts his fingers over Bucky’s cheek. “Can I kiss you?”

Bucky blinks. “Don’t play with me.”

“I’m not. I swear on my life I’m not. I love you, too, see,” Steve says. His voice reflects his desperation. “I love you.”

Bucky surges forward and does the very thing he thought was impossible for the better part of his life--kisses Steven Grant Rogers. Steven Grant Rogers kisses back. Bucky notices that Steve’s crying a little, and so he pulls away and asks, "You okay?"

"Better than okay." It's just that Steve never thought he'd be able to do this. It's just that both of them died. It's just that Bucky loves him. "It's a lot to take in."

Bucky pulls Steve into a hug, and time slips away from them.


End file.
